Despite sheer dumb luck two best friends become successful assassins until they are both injured on the job and decide it’s time to change careers.

Meir has an amazing wife, several kids (he’s unsure of how many) and the best job ever, with his friend Carl – they’re assassins – the most infamous squad this side of the Mississippi. Except they aren’t good, they’re actually horrible, but lady luck shines on them repeatedly until a fateful night when they both get drunk and injured due to some ineffective rat poison. Carl believes that he has altered their luck by proposing to his girlfriend after nearly ruining her family’s quinceanera party. The fear grows when Buck, their operator, informs them he can’t cover worker’s comp. He’s taking off to New York in pursuit of his one and only true love who’s opening on Broadway (Phylicia Rashad, naturally), so the boys decide it’s time to change careers. The two meet an insightful homeless man on the quest for shoes, become an internet sensation after taking raunchy pictures with American Gal dolls, close caption porn (one painstaking four-hour f@ckfest at a time) and attempt a ransom from a dog owner. But soon they will realize it’s not what you do, it’s doing what you do with the people you love. Or something like that.